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Thankfulness & God's Faithfulness

I'm so very thankful for this year.  God has always been so faithful to me.  He's protected me, loved me, and given my joy in hard times.  I remember this time last year, I did not want to celebrate any Holidays.  I did not want to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas.  I had a heart that wasn't ready to move on or let go.  I had a stubborn heart, one that wasn't willing to listen or heal.  I had a broken heart, one that was not allowing me to be thankful for yet another year.  Even then God provided ways for me to heal and the space I needed, in providing opportunities to stay home for Thanksgiving and to be traveling all through Christmas and New Years.  God was so good to me.  Today I look back and think of just how far God has taken me.  I'm thankful He protected me from a very bad situation and gave me healing in that.  I'm thankful He took me far away from two really hard circumstances and allowed me to start over.  I look back over this last year and the h

Last Devotional of 2016

December 25, 2016

My heart is full.  With blessings and thankfulness, hurt, fear, desires, and things I can't even understand.
One minute I feel so much joy and motivations and the next I feel lost and shut in.
It's hard to explain everything and the way I sometimes feel like I will explode with emotion.
I worry about what the future holds for me and with the desires I want, but don't seem to be happening.  I fear that my heart is not in the right place. I fear that my joy is in other things, and this does not bring me everlasting joy, but uncertainties. I feel anger towards others, but don't know why for sure and it scares and anger me even more.  I want to be able to love and forgive those who have hurt me.  I want things, but it all seems overwhelming.

This is what I felt with the pressure of the new year coming so soon.  This was the heavy weight that kept me from true joy of the New Year.  I wasn't ready to embrace 2017, honestly the whole getting older has been scaring me these last few months.  I couldn't/can't believe how fast everything has been going and when I thought of the new year all these emotions began to suffocate me. 
I wasn't ready, I didn't have any goals, all I could see was work, school, and more work.  I couldn't see my true wishes and desires coming to light.  I wanted to find joy now and I didn't think that what I was doing/have been doing was bringing me joy, so I didn't want to be stuck in that same routine.  And soon all of this became about me and me only.  I don't find joy here so I became sad.  I didn't want to do this anymore so I gave into my feelings and everything seemed dark and all theses lies began to blind me.
Now I'm not saying these things governed me, especially now, but I am also not saying I have conquered any of these emotions because I have not. At. All.  I have so many fears and I don't know what tomorrow will look like or two years from now, but I do know that my days are numbered.  I'm not promised tomorrow.  So right now is what I have and I want to be thankful for the time I have with a family who loves me.  I want to be thankful for the opportunity to work, to learn, and to afford the many things I have.  There are so many hidden joys in each day, week, month, and year.
And I pray that I can wake up each day and with joy look at the things the Lord has blessed me with-health, a loving family, friends, and salvation.
This is what I want my 2017 to look like!


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