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Thankfulness & God's Faithfulness

I'm so very thankful for this year.  God has always been so faithful to me.  He's protected me, loved me, and given my joy in hard times.  I remember this time last year, I did not want to celebrate any Holidays.  I did not want to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas.  I had a heart that wasn't ready to move on or let go.  I had a stubborn heart, one that wasn't willing to listen or heal.  I had a broken heart, one that was not allowing me to be thankful for yet another year.  Even then God provided ways for me to heal and the space I needed, in providing opportunities to stay home for Thanksgiving and to be traveling all through Christmas and New Years.  God was so good to me.  Today I look back and think of just how far God has taken me.  I'm thankful He protected me from a very bad situation and gave me healing in that.  I'm thankful He took me far away from two really hard circumstances and allowed me to start over.  I look back over this last year and the h

Contentment

Contentment.

What a great time to learn to be content.

This is something the Lord has been teaching me through all that's going on.  Contentment.  Honestly contentment has always been so hard for me.  I'm always looking at others, comparing myself, thinking about the next step, the next best thing.  I've always overthought everything.  I've always looked at others to be my source of what my life should look like.  I'm so very competitive by nature.  I'm not much of a live by the moment person, but always thinking of the future, how this will effect the next thing in my life.  I've always put so many expectations on myself.  Of what I need to get done today, what tomorrow needs to look like and always, always on what my future needs to be.
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1vFAr9sEXtgTalohERUFqTa6SMU0EtOGZ
So, when nothing looks like what I had expected today to look like as a 22 year old, I get discouraged, frustrated and confused.  I began comparing over and over again.  I began questioning myself and God.  And I doubt.  I fear.  I overthink.

Well, being stuck at home, with absolutely no idea for how long and if life will ever go back to 'normal' again,  and not being able to pursue or work towards any of my hopes or goals, my trust in the Lord is a constant battle of fear and trust.  Contentment becomes even more of a struggle.

(Honestly, even having a taste, a slight silver, of what I wanted didn't even provide contentment then)

This battle is everyday, at least a couple of times a day, of surrendering my hopes, dreams and expectations to the Lord.  Of asking for peace in the times of uncertainty.  Of growing in rest and hope in the Lord.  Of letting go of any 'control' I hope to have and trusting He is good, sovereign and loves me.  That He will provide exactly what I need, when I need it.  He hears and answers my prayers and there is so much hope and peace in knowing He knows.  And He loves us.

I'm going through a devotion on contentment now with a friend and it has been so good and is making me rethink how I've always thought of contentment:
Contentment: Seeing God's Goodness by Megan Hill.


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